Oscillating somewhere
between conformity and
unabashed rebellion
I fight the secret
war, the battle known
to none but myself.
I fight the great chains
that, often, I forget
chaff the sinew of my
spirit, I’m embarrassed
to say. Sucked into dia-
logues against demagogues
and diatribes about
morality and ethics
that dictate or,
rather, fail to dictate
what is done for those
who do are beholden to none.
Like a robot, I download
and upload, and reload
and login then logout
as softwares record my
moves and clicks and links
and likes for some machine
or system to determine for
me what I will do and see
and fear and love, I click
then unclick and know I’m
fooling no one but like
a mouse I do what I’m
bid to do by those who do
and my moves are theirs
to control and peruse.
I die
for just a moment each
day when I rise and for
a flash I realize what
is going on, what’s been
done, only to turn and
forget as quickly as I
knew, like water dripping
from my palms, like a
dream that slips away
before you can recall
what it was, I forget
what I remembered as
quickly as it was
recalled and I sit,
head in my palms trying
to bring back the facts
I thought I knew, I
thought I’d caught, the
things a moment ago, I
swear I knew, but now I
don’t. I argue, against
I know not what. Once the
thoughts are voiced, they’re
gone and the argument
is lost, or forgotten.
I fall into compliance
until the next day I
rise again and remember
that which I couldn’t recall
and then I forget again.
I fight the unknown war.
I flail against chains I
cannot see and that, often
I forget chaff the sinew
of my spirit
I’m embarrassed to say.